Today was a eureka moment! I actually found a GP that cares! I knew they were out there hiding somewhere, but somehow I never managed to find one. Maybe it was my deodorant or the way I dressed, but until today, I haven’t managed to find an NHS doctor that seemed to care that my life has completely changed from what it used to be.
For some reason I told her how I had felt about my previous GP, the one I’d had for over 20 years. I hadn’t meant to ‘dis’ her colleague, but it all came to the surface. And as I blubbered like a whale, if that’s the correct quotation, she held my hand. OMG, she held my hand. I’ve never had this happen before and of course, it made me cry more!
This emotional roller coaster, (okay, I’m exaggerating a little) all started on Sunday night when I watched Still Alice with my Son and daughter. I’d read the book and I’d thought I’d seen the film, but the film I’d seen didn’t have Alec Baldwin in it. Yes, I know, I hadn’t seen the film at all.
Maybe at this point I should shout SPOILER ALERT! I’ll try not to give the film away too much but it’s about a fifty year old woman whom discovers that she has an early on set of Alzheimer’s disease. It’s a very tragic story. Anyway, about half way through the film I decided to go into the kitchen to get some yoghurt. I walked all of five yards to find myself standing in the middle of the kitchen wondering what on earth I was doing there! I knew I wanted something, but couldn’t remember what. Considering the film I was watching it should have been hilarious, but it shook me to the core.
These moments of forgetfulness are increasing. My daughter sees the worse of it as I’m with her the most. There seems to be two types of memory lapse. One as the above totally forgetting what I wanted, or the kind when I see the object or word in my brain but cannot say it. A few months ago, within one week I forgot to collect my money from the cash machine and I found the cheese in the bread bin! I also went into the local shop to buy three items. I kept memorising them over and over so I wouldn’t forget. I walked into the store and you’ve guessed it, I forgot straight away. After a few minutes the words usually come to me, often after going through the alphabet several times mind you! This is known as brain fog apparently. Well, I wish the sun would bloody come out that’s all I can say!
After the film, I told my son what had happened over the yoghurt. I tried to laugh it off, but the joke didn’t go down well. He’d seen the film before and had got upset the first time around apparently. And as he spoke the tears fell down his cheeks because the lady in the film he said, had reminded him of me!
It hit me that night that my family really do see me as sick. I’m not sure to be pleased or sad about that. I’m glad they believe me but to think that my son compares me to Still Alice really has broken me. But life isn’t forever is it? Shit happens as they say.
Whats the moral to this story?
Simple, don’t give up!
Whatever it is, don’t give up. Today, I found a GP who cares. She actually gave me a prescription for a drug that I asked for 2 years ago for nerve pain in my legs. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Mind you, I think I’ll hold off talking to her about the forgetfulness thing for now. One step at a time and all that😉. Don’t want her thinking I’m a ‘crazy lady’!
I’d love to hear your ‘didn’t give up’ stories.